| wash it from my eyes, all the sad goodbyes, make me feel again... |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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dream on the inside, dream my own
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| just say u.. would do... the same.... for me..... |
[07 Aug 2005|07:01pm] |
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the state of texas vs fear before |
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Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is
A reminder of what I'll never have
I'll never have... I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
today i feel like shit an i dont know why, mentally and physically shit.... ahhhh, i'm bored with this. people are gay sentence end.
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| sunday! SUNDAY! sunday! |
[31 Jul 2005|07:46pm] |
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AFI- "god called in sick today" |
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well, i slept most of today away, lol.
went to the gym... came home, showered, then had dinner. an now i'm sitting here bored.
we were supposed to play a show at stony creek tonight, right now actually... but bennet had tickets to warp tour an had already promised three people a ride so he couldnt screw them over. it woulda been sweet tho, eli's older bro rented the pavilion for the day an wanted us to play for him an his friends. i would have enjoyed it only because i know i would have pissing off a bunch of old people, hahaha. i mean, maybe they would like some of the parts, but i know they wouldnt have understood the screaming at all. oh well... had practice yesterday, jeremy came with... i just love how no one else in my band decides to say anything to eli about not being able to do the show. max is like, just tell me when ur ganna tell him caz i'm not ganna be here, an bennet just leaves after practice... so of course its left to me. eli was just like, wait what? where not playing the show now? an i was all like, o they didnt say anything to u? i didnt know how else to break it to him... any who... before this, vic an shafe an eric stopped by for a bit. then me an zaidi went an chilled at vics till they went to some party we thought was going to be lame so me an jeremy went to rob d's an chilled with peoples.... at the end of the night it was me z an colt diggity. we drove out to billiams, then hit mickeys, then i dropped em both off. me an zaidi played halo2 on xbox live till an ungodly hour of the morning as always, which is y my sleep pattern is completely fucked once again. i should stay up for like 32 hours an get myself back on track, but if i tried that, i'd probably just pass out sometime tomorrow afternoon and further perpetuate the cycle. lol, yea i'm weird i know.
the 6th is only a week away, U ALL BETTER FUCKING BE THERE!!! the line up has changed, burning cities has been added to the show, so now all the bands are ganna get moved around. once i talk to bennet an we make the set list i'll update again.
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| bill, bills a good guy..... |
[25 Jul 2005|05:21pm] |
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From Autumn To Ashes- "short stories with tragic endings" |
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bennets dad is leaving for like a week or two so we've decided to thro a basement show, lol. its ganna be on aug 6th and if ur not there u suck ass, and thats not cool so everyone should come caz its ganna be sweet.
from what i know the set list is ganna look something like this...
(in order they play)
Inmost fear
As Dawn Falls
allemorph
Helen keller Sees All
shed the blood of saints
Franklin slam dunk
Buried while breathing
triumph over tragedy
he didnt tell me what time it was going to start.
i'll post again soon.
peace.
p.s. i'm going to miss you while your in jersey.
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| where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? u all remember that show.......... cmon..... ok fuck it then. |
[06 Jul 2005|05:04am] |
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Taking Back Sunday |
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sooo yeah... its been like a month since i've updated. it seems like every time i start typing something in here i end up just deleting it. this one i'll probably keep tho, who knows, well see if i think its update worthy by the end of it.
alright so the band. we need a new name caz i'm not a fan of saying shed the blood of saints to people caz i think it sounds lame. because of that fact we've been keeping ourselves underwraps sorta speak for awhile simply because we dont really have a name to promote, which sucks caz we need a name to get out there.
recordings been going slow. the last time we were there i screamed for like 5 hours strait just to listen to the tape an realize the mic they had me using was cutting out half the fucking time, i was so pissed, i sounded good that day too. we need to go back out there soon, but next time i take my mic...
i can already hear kyle storms shit talking. i cant say for what but he will i know it. he's having a show on the 21st which we could have been on had he not have offered us second slot(him an bennet arent the greatest of friends anymore which i think played a part in this regardless of what kyle says) to me seconds no better than playing first caz no ones ever there that early. granted we havent played many shows but i think were better than that. honestly, i'd play second slot, have played second slot, caz in my view a shows a show, but not when its kyle storms show. not just so he can feel like he's beaten bennet in some way in his mind. and let this get back to him too, i dont care. i always had respect for kyle. he's a self-proclaimed douche but he'd never been a douche to me so there for i never had a reason to not like him but he's not exactly on my good side after all this. i understand why and all but i still feel like he could have done something if he felt like it, he just didnt want to. and thats simply the truth of the matter regardless of whatever he's ganna say about it.
we were thinking of having a free basement show for the hell of it, that or maybe we'll charge like 2 or 3 an give it to the bands or something, idk yet. it'll either be at eli's or bennet's, probably bennets caz his basement is a bit bigger. i hope it all works out, i just want to play a damn show. and i have enough friends in various bands to throw a sweet one. we'll see what happens...
i'm ganna be gone for almost a week, damn family functions. why do i have to be half italian an y does the entire family have to be there.... why damn it why... all its ganna be is, "oh u dont have a job still and all u do is sleep and play that damn guitar(caz thats prolly all i'll do the whole time there) and whats that thing in ur lip there for? why dont u take that out, you'd look like such a nice boy?" i can hear my grandma's shrill voice in my head nagging already... at least my pappy's got my back...
well that covers the thinking portion. now to list all the shows and party's i've been to in the past month, and all the people i've hung out with for my scene points. no wait i'm not gay like that an i know who my friends are and what we did so i dont need to list every little thing so people know how cool i am. you'll have to actually talk to me to find that out.
on that note i believe its getting past my bed time, considering its already daybreak. good night all. leave comments. send me texts. call my fone!
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| hey, hows it goin.... really, thats cool, i'm ganna go stand over there now... no no, dont follow me |
[23 May 2005|04:02am] |
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The Mars Volta- "Televators" |
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last night- entertaining to say the least.
today- not to shabby but rather uneventful.
this week is going to be a good week.
this weekend is going to be insane.
i'm going to be dead soon. so if u have something to say i suggest u say it while i'm still breathing caz u never do know anymore....... final destination was on tv today, usa network oh yea. as i was on my way home tonight my car kept making "interesting" noises i stopped an got gas an the movie started coming to mind, lol. like right as i start pumping gas the first thing i looked up at was the warning sign on the pump saying leave all electronic devices in your car while fueling, as i had my cell phone in my hoodie pocket, which happen to be the same pocket i had my hand in. then a shiver went down my spine..... i spent most of the day on the phone come to think of it... deaths design for me is slowly developing a brain tumor from all the damn electromagnetic waves.... ITS NOTtA TUMa, haha.... drama is gay... i've never been a fan of drama, its strolled my way once or twice before but i never intentionally walked up to its door. hmm what else can i ramble on about? oh an i went to family video in search of something but to no avail made 5 bucks outta the deal tho. chilled around the house for a bit then hung out with colt an zaidi an joe an vic... i was a bit bored so i decided to update, but now i sorta want to delete this caz i hate these really random entries, eh screw it.
i'm really sick of somethings, and happy about others... i've been questioning alot of things lately.. i'm going to bed now, nioght.
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| me to a T..... |
[11 May 2005|06:28pm] |
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Bleeding Through "What I Bleed Without You" |
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Your Birthdate: March 3 |
Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.
You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.
You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
You are affectionate and loving, but sometimes too sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs. |
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| McDonald's!!!(stolen from courtneys lj) |
[08 May 2005|02:55am] |
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FBTMOF- "The God Awful Truth" |
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OH the rapture: I saw Hoff buying cottage cheese at 2am
ixynoTxi: i could see him like chasing down jolly green and smearing it all over his face or something crazy like that, or dumping it on a car or something
OH the rapture: Jolly Green! Oh the McDonald's memories!
ixynoTxi: sigh
ixynoTxi: :'(
OH the rapture: In total agreeance with you.
ixynoTxi: memories
..Jolly Green was this large man who'd come into McD's wearing a purse and order the entire menu. He was weird!!
ixynoTxi: haha, fuck that
ixynoTxi: they'd have to pay me a shit load to sit there all night long
ixynoTxi: that jobs so easy tho
OH the rapture: yeah dude
ixynoTxi: they probably dont even have a rush hour in the middle of the night
OH the rapture: we'd be making hamburger faces in the middle of the night
OH the rapture: and slapping them to the ceiling
ixynoTxi: hahaha
ixynoTxi: fuck yea
ixynoTxi: i miss doing stupid stuff at mcd's
OH the rapture: remember when you took the ketchup and lauched tons of it behind the fridge?
OH the rapture: i think it might still be there.
ixynoTxi: haha
ixynoTxi: oh man good times
ixynoTxi: i just miss fucking with people thro the head set when they'd be trying to order
ixynoTxi: like i'd act like the speaker was all fucked up and start making weird crackling noises just to mess with em, or i'd talk in a gay voice
OH the rapture: yes!
OH the rapture: or your arabic voice
OH the rapture: you would speak in arabic, then when they pulled around spoke normally
ixynoTxi: haha
ixynoTxi: sometimes i'd keep it going
OH the rapture: then you'd get the occasion stoner come through and they would have no idea what was going on
oh the memories.......
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| just but a dream............ |
[02 May 2005|06:46am] |
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team sleep- "ever (foreign flag)" |
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yes that time is correct kiddies, for all of u going to school soon, i'm soon to be going to bed, i still have yet to sleep.....
u all hate chino i'm sure, so check out http://www.purevolume.com/teamsleep caz thats his side project and i cant help but listen to it caz it so perfectly matches my mood right now.
i want to play a fucking show again soon!!! we hardly ever practice anymore... god(swift head move to the right) i really hate that movie now, but now its already been typed an i dont feel like back spacing
leave comments, or dont.
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| today was really weird........(y i hate hoes) |
[23 Apr 2005|05:08am] |
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Across Five Aprils- "Blue Eyed Suicide" |
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this started out as a few sentences and i sorta just kept writting, so if u dont feel like reading a long ass update just keep scrolling down to someone elses caz this goes deep into the past...........
i woke up in a really good mood today, we were supposed to practice today but that didnt happen. half of its my fault but elias didnt answer his phone and by the time he called back i was already busy doing stuff. whatever theres always tomorrow. anyways went an chilled with ryan for a bit then came back here and started to feel really shitty, i dont know y, i suppose part of its cause i'm trying to quit again and i'm going thro withdrawls still and i always get in a really depressed mood. thats part of the reason y i never follow thro with quitting, i cant stand being in that mind state. that and i strongly suggest u dont watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind if ur already feeling alone caz its ganna make it so much worse.
someone called me today that i havent spoken to in months and it felt really good talking to them again....... i miss the good old days. theres so much i want to say but cant caz theres no one to listen. i've come to realize that i've always been the friend that people vent to, which is good but also bad caz then i'm just listening and not saying the things i need to get off my chest. i need to vent..... badly, but no one wants to hear it, and i dont blame em caz i dont want to hear it either.....................
adam's bangin jessica, i dont care anymore i'm past it now but its still sad. he could do so much better than that..... to think that i used to think of him like a brother, like better than a brother, me and adam hung out ever single day for the longest time and now we hardly speak anymore, and all because of some slut who fucked me over, then decided to fuck my best friend just to fuck with my head some more. we broke up because she said i treated her better than she deserved... wtf? ok, lemme start from the beginning...........
we both worked at mcd's, she had a thing for me and i knew it but i didnt really know her and wasnt attracted to her at all, but she was persistant. adam was going out with charlotte still at the time, who was good friends with jessica. we all worked at mcd's together, eventually adam convinced me to go on a double date with him and char an her. in the beginning i wasnt attracted to her at all, but the more i was with her the more i wanted to be around her. i fell head over heals caz thats just how i am. she liked me, and i liked the fact that someone thought i was special for once. the week of sping break we were on the phone ever night until about 6 in the morning talking about everything, i was... whats the word i'm looking for, starts with an f, no wait i..... infatuated with her. i said i love u too early and i think thats were it all started going down hill.... i had fallen in love with an illusion, caz thats all it really was, she had some bad relationships and all she wanted was meaningless sex, but like an idiot, i wanted to be in love first.(in retrospect i'm glad i never banged her, if she would have been my first then i would have never gotten her out of my head) anyways, time goes by, i stay around an continue to get shit on, but i didnt care caz i had convinced myself that she was perfect, but no one is. a friend of her's was having a party at her house caz her parents had gone away, i dont exactly remember the reason, my car was messed up or something at the time, i dont know, but i wanted to go, and i didnt want her to go alone. i remember feeling like something bad was ganna happen, i sat up the entire night till like 7 in the morning thinking about all this bull shit then the next day i get a call, from her, in tears........... and i asked y are u crying, and she said we needed to talk, and i said about what? in a tone a bit more distressed, and then she tells me that she was really drunk and had sex with some random guy, in her friends bathroom no less, and that she didnt know what was going on and i hope u dont hate me caz i hate myself and u deserve so much better and all this shit(at that point i dropped my phone and fell to my knees in tears and screamed the most horrible scream, it was like despair and hate and depression all rolled into one, i dont even know how to describe it, i felt like my heart had been ripped right out of my chest, and that scream just came out as my natural reaction) that day i called into work an just sat at my house all day and drank, and chain smoked. i drank so much, i remember thinking i was going to keep on drinking till i either passed out or until i died, i didnt even care anymore. and even after all that i still couldnt let it go. i blamed myself for not going, i blamed her friends for allowing it to happen, i hated myself because i wasnt there to "protect" her like i should have been. i thought it was everyone elses fault except hers, caz thats what she fed me and i was niave and wouldnt believe that she would do something to me that hurtful knowing she was my whole world. but in the end i came to realize that she was nothing but a whore. i found the song i wrote for her right after we had broken up, i was reading through it and couldnt help but think how pathetic i sounded then, it sickens me to think i wasted that much time on her. but the story doesnt end there, a friend of hers tells me that she cheated on me before that, after that we argued and i called her a whore and we were done. pretty much. about a month or so after all that char and adam decide there ganna have a "fling" so charlotte has sex with her gay friend scott, and who does she get for adam? i bet u'll never guess, oh yea, jessica. u'd think adam would have been like, hmm my best friends ex, maybe i shouldnt, but no, like a dumb shit he banged her not thinking as he said, and what does she say afterward... and i quote caz i'll never forget the words when he told me about it all... "thank you, i couldnt have thought of a better way to get back at tony" this is y i get jelous so easily, an y i question peoples motives when i shouldnt, or y i push people away when they start to get close.... i'm always ganna have this in the back of my head but i guess its all for the best because i honestly am better off with out that slut in my life anyways, the only reason i'm thinking about any of this is because i saw adam again today after like 4 or 5 months now, and what has he been up too? he broke up with charlotte and him and jessica are like fuck buddies now i guess. i lost so much respect right there for him when i heard that, and charlotte was right there too, still with him but i could sense the tension caz there not together but he loves char, and she loves him, but he's bangin jessica on the side, which shows how much of a fucking hoe she was in the first place........ whatever fuck this, its just shitty caz now every time i look at adam i think of her and it pisses me off caz we used to be so close and now i cant even look at him anymore with out feeling disgusted. he gave her exactly what she wanted, she totally just destroyed our friendship. but i'll always think of him like a brother, like a few other close friends i have that i will always consider to be my brothers from other mothers, lol. it just adds to everything. thats only one of the things i've allowed to sit and build in my head. theres so much more but i dont have the time for this anymore, its almost 7 in the morning now. i think its time for me to go to bed. if u sat and actually read through all this kudos to u, sorry i didnt mean for this to be as long as it was. but once i started writting it all just came out. u probably think i'm a fag but whatever, like i said i just need to vent.......
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| when u see me on the streets, nigga you dont know me....... |
[14 Apr 2005|02:19pm] |
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tony danza tapdance extravaganza- "cliff burton surprise" |
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1. Where did we meet:
2. Take a stab at my last name:
3. How long have you known me:
4. When is the last time we saw each other:
5. Do I smoke:
6. Do I believe in God:
7. When you first saw me what was your impression:
8. My age:
9. Birthday:
10.What color is my hair:
11.What color are my eyes:
12.Do I have any siblings:
13.Have you ever been jealous of me:
14.What's one of my favorite things to do outdoors:
15.What's one of my fav. things to do indoors:
16.Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
17.What's my favorite type of music:
18.What is the best feature about me:
19.Am I shy or outgoing:
20.Would you say I am funny ha ha or funny sarcastic:
21.Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules:
22.Would you consider me a friend, an acquaintance, or a good friend:
23.Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, hippie, glam, snobby, something else :
24.Have you ever seen me cry:
25.If there were one good nickname for me what would it be:
26.Are my parents still together:
27.If I had broccoli stuck in my teeth would you tell me:
28.Do I drink and/or do drugs:
29.What is my worst fear:
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| these are the days of our lives..... |
[01 Apr 2005|02:24pm] |
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Converge- "Distance and Meaning" |
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What up everyone, i'm bored....its friday night and i'm already partied out from the past week of partying non stop. i dont know what i'm doing tonight, hopefully something a bit more productive but doubtful. i cant wait till the 8th, thats our next show at the lions club, zaidi's throwing the show so u all must come and come early caz we play early. also, we finally recorded again, so the third songs up on pv now...for some reason every time we go to record the second song somethings always off....anyways u should all check out "when its all said and done" http://www.purevolume.com/shedthebloodofsaints i think its sweet especially the end, tell me what u think..... hope u all like it.
i was ganna say something else but forget it, just listen to the song. i need someone to talk to....thats pretty much the just without the semantics.... call me if u want to talk.. i'm out. peace.
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| tomorrow night....my first show at the lions club!!! no ones ganna be there...lol |
[24 Mar 2005|01:53pm] |
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alrighty well i didnt think we were playing the show, now we are playing the show, so that gives me about 24 hours to finish the lyrics to the fourth song. i'm not exactly thrilled about this... but i want to play the show too, i just wish i had more time considering i havent even got to start writting to the fourth one yet and i really want to play it for the show......anyways.....
IF YOUR READING THIS GO TO THE FRASER LIONS CLUB TOMORROW AND SEE MY BAND, SHED THE BLOOD OF SAINTS....i think were third from last? i dont know they dont tell me these things. its our first show so come check us out, pleeeease (insert puppy dog eyes)
anyone not doing shit tomorrow should go to the lions club.
well now i'm off to band practice.... i dont know what i'm doing later yet, i'll write tonight when its all quiet and dark and late and i'll be able to think in peace, but i wanna do something today, call me.
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| who are u again?? |
[10 Mar 2005|12:04am] |
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It Dies Today- "Requiem For Broken Hearts" |
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weird ass people in this world i tell ya.... weird ass people....
i havent updated for a while...not that long but sorta...
had somewhat of a gay birthday, i dont know..it started out good, much love to courtney, zoe an jackie for stopping by and saying happy birthday, even tho i didnt come out, lol, sorry....hung out with zaidi for a bit and then practice, and then .....gayness......thanx everyone who actually called and wished me a happy birthday....my birthday always sux tho :*( i dont know, i just expected too much i guess.....someone never called me....doesnt surprise me that much tho......
the weekend made up for it all tho....
friday, oh god friday, a day that will forever live in infamy...inmost fear basement show that was insane, then party at robs that the fraser cops decided to later attend and put to an end....i'm just lucky, really fuckin lucky, lol....damn...
then saturday of course was also the shit at larrys with zaidi and as dawn falls...larrys parents are on a cruise or something like that...so u all know what that means......house party thats still going on i'm sure. last night, which was "tuesday party" was the night tho....its always sweet to meet a bunch of new people...
the rest of the past few days were all just wastes pretty much.... practice and the usual crap....
i got a call from my grandma telling me that i need to take out my lip ring and that i'm breaking my dads heart and all this crap and how my aunts all pissed about it....wtf...i'm sick of guilt trips...she starts the conversation out talking all nice with me then try's to get all dramatic just to guilt me into taking it out...i told her i'd think about it, but its not ganna happen anytime soon...
schools slowly spinning down the toilet....i need to stop skipping class....i'm such a fuck up....like i dont have enough on my mind.........
i probably wont sleep anytime soon...i really need to get up early tomorrow tho and go to center and find the fucking bookstore and get my psychology book and go to class and just get my shit together...
*good night all*
"classic party stories"
dude, so like this one time, i was at this party, and there was like this dude, and he was like, looking at me. and i was like, dude, and he was like, dude, and i was like what are u looking at dude? and he was like
i'ma chick not a dude, and i was like, dude u need to go shave that mustach...
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| i hope tomorrow will be a good day.... |
[02 Mar 2005|11:48am] |
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The Bled "Porcelain Hearts and Hammers for Teeth" |
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i'm bored, sitting here at college doing some mind numbing math work that i dont want to do, so i'm taking a break....i really dont have anything to update with except that tomorrow is my 19th birthday! and if u dont call me i'm going to be sad :*(
will u wish me a happy birthday?
p.s. this weather fucking blows........
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| another dull day... |
[26 Feb 2005|02:53pm] |
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BTBAM-"Fire For a Dry Mouth" |
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there isnt shit to do so i figured i'd update for the hell of it. i'm just killing time till 4 and then therapy... not really, band practice, but its like therapy. i cant wait till we finally find a bassist and can start playing shows..... honestly nothing is going the way i want, but i'm finally singing in a band now, which is something i've only dreamed of doing till now. so that keeps me happy for the most part.....i really hate feeling so alone.
theres so many things i feel that i wish i could just say, but cant caz it would only make things more complicated.... so i bite my tongue and try to put it out of my mind, but its not working...
sooooooo yea, yesterday was tight, went to the lions club and saw inmost fear... good job as always fellas, the new ones amazing.. i love local shows...
my dads in the hospital...kindney stones, not cool...it worries me...
i seriously just want to curl up in a ball right now and...((sigh)) i dont even feel like bitching, i stress myself out for nothing, i'll take out my frustrations at practice....
someone call me i doubt i'm doing anything important....
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| wish u could all hear this....its good shit. |
[22 Feb 2005|03:07am] |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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...........-"A Life In Vain" |
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cant sleep...
i want to let u all hear this but i have to wait, its not complete yet....
i wish i had someone to share this moment with...
i'm not going to let anything stop me, i feel really good right now.
i hope tomorrow goes as good as today did.....
missing...
*sweet dreams all*
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| my day will come... |
[20 Feb 2005|03:18am] |
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mood |
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touched |
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music |
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FBTMOF- "go wash your mouth, i dont know were its been" |
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anticipation...
bored...
so far no ones told me i suck, thats a good sign...
wish i could forget....
*night*
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| valentines day isnt even a real fuckin holiday.... |
[09 Feb 2005|02:18am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Bleeding Through |
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thoughts... alot of em. i have too much time to sit and think..
what to do, how am i ganna fix things? do i want to fix them? better yet should they be fixed if they even can be... maybe i'm just trying too hard...
the thought of valentines day is looming over me, all it is is a reminder that i'm unloved. another year alone, sweet):
i got my lip pierced finally!! its sweet, i'm so happy i finally just went and got it done, i've been wanting to get it done for soooo long now.... my dad still doesnt have a clue, he's ganna take a shit on me for it i know it, ive been successfully avoiding him for the past week now, lol, god i really dont want to deal with this. my mom wont even look at me. whatever screw em, i dont regret it one bit, this is something that i've wanted for a long time, and now that i have it, i'm not ganna take it out just to make them happy...
i'm so fucking sick of college already, my psychology class starts thursday, i'm sorta looking forward to it. i at least have some interest in psychology, its better than math, fuck my math class strait up. i fucking hate algebra. who gives too shits what x equals, like it matters in the real world.. like one day my employer is ganna come to me with a piece of paper with a triangle on it and ask me for the length of side a, what the fuck is the purpose of learning something i'm never going to use.
i cant shack this feeling in the pit of my stomach... its hard to describe.... i want so much more.....
i learned that u cant regret.. as long as your doing things for the right reasons and not just out of spit or for your own selfish reasons. as long as u believe in your heart that your doing the right thing u shouldnt regret your decisions, i dont regret anymore, i accept the choices i've made and the ramifications that have followed and those that have yet to unfold.
either something good is on its way or something thats going to crush me, i sense something coming, i dont know what tho, but i feel it... yea i know thats weird and sorta vague, but if u could see what my dreams have been showing me lately u'd be confused too. its weird, for the longest time i havent been dreaming, not the vivid dreams that i used to always have at least, usually my dreams would just be a glimpse of something, then it'd be gone, but lately... damn i swear to god they've never felt that real, i just dont know how to interpret them...
i'm losing my faith in true love, a 2 hour conversation with a friend has convinced me that were all destined to be alone.... its this big perpetual cycle that we go thro as a society that fucks us all. an asshole guy finds a good girl which he then fucks over by breaking her heart. then she becomes a slut, and eventually finds a guy that isnt and asshole and breaks his heart, so then he turns into an asshole and it just keeps going... guys arent pigs by nature, where like dogs, loyal and trusting and we listen, were simple. and girls are like cats, they do what they want, they have there own minds and agendas and couldnt care about fetching a ball, there complicated and that works out... but once a dog has been beaten so many times its spirit is broken and it becomes a shell of what it once was... i dont even think i have a shell anymore, just pieces of it...
i need to sleep, i cant miss college tomorrow, i already skipped monday...
dreaming a dream so sweet, i wont give up hope, no matter how shitty things seem, i wont let myself give up on my goals and my dreams. i realize that i do have control over them as long as i dont allow myself to stop dreaming and reaching for the unattainable... i wont give up my hopes, not when i know things could be so much better. i have to keep going i just lose sight of things at times, i wish i could get an outside look at myself and see what it is that i'm doing wrong. fuck it, i'm down rambling...
*good night*
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| i love you, I love YOUu.... until my last breath takes u from me..FROM MEEE!! |
[29 Jan 2005|12:32am] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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Chiodos- "The Lover and the Liar" |
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Chiodos, fucking amazing as expected...
did someone say jacuzzi? what happened to that idea....
i feel bad for sardines now that i know how it feels to be crushed like one...
damn was it hot in there...
got a nice pic for courtney of craig the chiodos singer crowd surfing, think it came out ok...
bitch watch out, dont be steppin on my shoes!!
excuse me your violating my personal space, take two steps back please...
enough with the fucking clapping!
*quote of the night "u can just go ahead and fart in her face, she cant smell anything."-that had to have been embarassing...
that which does not kill you, only makes u suffer longer....i mean makes u stronger....one of the two, either or... that was so random i dont know where it came from....
after, went to coney then here.... now, listening to more chiodos caz its oh so good...
tomorrow, hell if i know, oh wait... INMOST FEAR(elysium) some time around 9.. be there bitches..address is 29216 Park Street, Roseville MI, mapquest it up...
ps..smith if i would have known about 80's day, and i still attended high school.. i totally would have reenacted Ferris Buellers Day Off.....donkashan, darlin, donkashan...
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